This week I have found myself in a flare up. I have psoriatic arthritis (PSA) and ankylosing spondylitis (AS). What those million dollar words mean is that I have an autoimmune disorder (well 3 actually). When I have a flare up, I find myself bedridden and unable to perform my daily tasks. They say it takes a village to raise a child and I am forever blessed to have a large family and group of friends, that jump in to help me when I am down. We've been dealing with my conditions for a while and have a game plan in place, but it got me to thinking about how to help other moms when they fall ill. We all need some help at times. Here are a few ideas of ways to help based on my wonderful support system.
1. Childcare- Having smaller children makes it harder. Luckily mine are old enough to play alone at times. Having someone to come sit with them or better yet pick them up and watch them helps greatly.
2. Run errands- Offer to go to the grocery store. Take children or mom to doctors appointments. C, my 5 year old, does multiple therapies through the week and we have had to miss risking him getting put out.
3. Meal trains are wonderful. I am unable to cook for the kids. I have had family order pizza and bring stuff for lunches and breakfast that the kids can make themselves.
4. Offer to clean- my kids can destroy the house in a matter of minutes. This creates a huge fall risk for me. For example, one of my little lovelies knocked over the trash can earlier and is refusing to pick it up. We are waiting for Brad to get home from work but he is on call this week and won't be home for at least 6 more hours.
5. Pet sit- it would be a lot less worrisome if someone had Scooter the wonder hound! Plus his barking and me having to yell at the boys to take the dog out or feed him is stressful.
6. Bring something to keep them busy- my last flare up lasted 5 months! 5 months I could not walk. I had someone bring me painting supplies and crocheting supplies. I made two blankets. I've had people loan me books and movies. Which really does help. There is only so much judge Judy you can watch!
7. Offer your services- I have a friend who is a massage therapist who has been coming over and working on my back and it's helping wonderfully.
What are some other ways to help a sick mama?
Thursday, June 29, 2017
Affording Such A Large Family: School Edition
Yes, we have thought about college but first we have to get through primary school. DS1 and DS2 go to public school as they live with Baby Mama during the school year. She does send them to one of the best public schools in our area. DS3, DS4, and DS5 are home school. There are costs to both public and home school. But I am only going to touch on the home school part because that is what I am most knowledgeable about.
We do have cost for school supplies, umbrella school, co-op and curriculum. We try to make it as cost efficient as possible for us. We don't have the Internet, but my parents do. They let me use their Internet, printer and computer to print school work as needed. The boys use Easy Peasy All-In-One curriculum and we love it! It is free and very interesting to the kids. Pretty excited because their science and history is going to line up with co-op this year. We buy our supplies when everything is tax free. Yes, I am a hoarder when it comes to TP rolls and scratch paper. Why throw stuff away when you can reuse it.
But in addition to reading and math, I enjoy teaching the kids life skills. We learn how to budget and coupon and how to use these skills how to help others. We are currently couponing for Operation Christmas Child. Learning these skills don't cost a thing. But it instills values we want them to have. We also let them do community activities. As they get older, they will build a community service portfolio for colleges.
We utilize the library. Most library have a large movie, cd and audiobook selection. So we can find lots of cool things here and the boys think it is a field trip so win-win.
Craiglist often you can find craft things like paper rolls and pipe cleaners. That is great! I also contact our local paper and get newspaper roll ends for free. It's great to draw on and to trace their bodies to make a skeleton.
We also can find supplement curriculum at yard sales, used book stores and the local private school hosts a yard sale and they are a dual school (both private and home school) and we find amazing things there!
As for college, our state offers free tuition for the first two years at a community college. There are also grants for home schooled kids. DS3,4&5 will have their dad's GI Bill as well. They can do work study programs while in college. They all have savings account, which don't have a lot of money, but we ask for CDs for them instead of gifts (or experiences if people insist on getting them gifts). They will have jobs as soon as they are able to work. We want them to have a work ethic and we will be teaching them how to save their money instead of just blowing it. We also hope for scholarships. There is always the FAFSA as they will probably qualify for the Pell Grant. There is always job corp too. Which we encourage all of the kids to go to.
We do have cost for school supplies, umbrella school, co-op and curriculum. We try to make it as cost efficient as possible for us. We don't have the Internet, but my parents do. They let me use their Internet, printer and computer to print school work as needed. The boys use Easy Peasy All-In-One curriculum and we love it! It is free and very interesting to the kids. Pretty excited because their science and history is going to line up with co-op this year. We buy our supplies when everything is tax free. Yes, I am a hoarder when it comes to TP rolls and scratch paper. Why throw stuff away when you can reuse it.
But in addition to reading and math, I enjoy teaching the kids life skills. We learn how to budget and coupon and how to use these skills how to help others. We are currently couponing for Operation Christmas Child. Learning these skills don't cost a thing. But it instills values we want them to have. We also let them do community activities. As they get older, they will build a community service portfolio for colleges.
We utilize the library. Most library have a large movie, cd and audiobook selection. So we can find lots of cool things here and the boys think it is a field trip so win-win.
Craiglist often you can find craft things like paper rolls and pipe cleaners. That is great! I also contact our local paper and get newspaper roll ends for free. It's great to draw on and to trace their bodies to make a skeleton.
We also can find supplement curriculum at yard sales, used book stores and the local private school hosts a yard sale and they are a dual school (both private and home school) and we find amazing things there!
As for college, our state offers free tuition for the first two years at a community college. There are also grants for home schooled kids. DS3,4&5 will have their dad's GI Bill as well. They can do work study programs while in college. They all have savings account, which don't have a lot of money, but we ask for CDs for them instead of gifts (or experiences if people insist on getting them gifts). They will have jobs as soon as they are able to work. We want them to have a work ethic and we will be teaching them how to save their money instead of just blowing it. We also hope for scholarships. There is always the FAFSA as they will probably qualify for the Pell Grant. There is always job corp too. Which we encourage all of the kids to go to.
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
Why I am a SAHM
Now I am a stay at home mom. This time last year, I became very sick. I was working full time and a single mom. The illness forced me to go on FMLA and move back in with my parents. I couldn't walk. I couldn't go to the bathroom or take a shower alone. I was completely unable to care for myself. After my FMLA ran out, my specialist told me that my nursing career was going. I turned in my resignation and began staying home.
Brad and my relationship was still very young but we loved each other dearly. He stayed by my side and never wavered on taking care of me. He assured me that he would find a way to support all of us and that he wanted me to stay home and raise all of our kiddos.
Now that I am getting healthy again, I am able to stay home and do school with the kids. I am able to run errands and go to doctors appointments. But what do I do all day?
Here is a little sneak peak into our lives:
Monday:
Get up. Start breakfast. Get the big guys in the shower. Every other week I watch my friend's girls for her. Start school with my three plus her two. Work on cleaning the house even though it's going to be destroyed by the kids soon. Make lunch. Get the baby down for a nap. Start dinner. Get the kids doing their chores. Try to freshen up before Brad gets home. Feed them dinner. Brad takes DS3 to Trail Life. I bathe the littles and put them to bed. I straighten up the house. When they get home, they eat a snack. I get Kaden, DS3, off to bed. I finish cleaning and get school ready for tomorrow and lay out tomorrows dinner.
Tuesday:
I don't have the girls but it is doctor appointment day and therapy day for Carson, DS5. Still have to do school and clean and cook.
Wednesday:
Co-op day, plus church. We are gone almost all day but we still have a home we have to take care of.
Thursday:
The girls are back. Plus therapy day and market day.
Friday:
I have the girls, plus school and house work. Then we have to go pick up DS1 and DS2 which is a two hour drive. I have to make sure that everything is ready and the kids are already eating when Brad walks in the door. They eat slow and he eats fast. I have to have them ready to walk out the door by the time he showers and eats. I have to make sure that they potty before we leave and to check the traffic reports. It's important that we are not late picking them up.
So yes stay at home moms work hard too!
Brad and my relationship was still very young but we loved each other dearly. He stayed by my side and never wavered on taking care of me. He assured me that he would find a way to support all of us and that he wanted me to stay home and raise all of our kiddos.
Now that I am getting healthy again, I am able to stay home and do school with the kids. I am able to run errands and go to doctors appointments. But what do I do all day?
Here is a little sneak peak into our lives:
Monday:
Get up. Start breakfast. Get the big guys in the shower. Every other week I watch my friend's girls for her. Start school with my three plus her two. Work on cleaning the house even though it's going to be destroyed by the kids soon. Make lunch. Get the baby down for a nap. Start dinner. Get the kids doing their chores. Try to freshen up before Brad gets home. Feed them dinner. Brad takes DS3 to Trail Life. I bathe the littles and put them to bed. I straighten up the house. When they get home, they eat a snack. I get Kaden, DS3, off to bed. I finish cleaning and get school ready for tomorrow and lay out tomorrows dinner.
Tuesday:
I don't have the girls but it is doctor appointment day and therapy day for Carson, DS5. Still have to do school and clean and cook.
Wednesday:
Co-op day, plus church. We are gone almost all day but we still have a home we have to take care of.
Thursday:
The girls are back. Plus therapy day and market day.
Friday:
I have the girls, plus school and house work. Then we have to go pick up DS1 and DS2 which is a two hour drive. I have to make sure that everything is ready and the kids are already eating when Brad walks in the door. They eat slow and he eats fast. I have to have them ready to walk out the door by the time he showers and eats. I have to make sure that they potty before we leave and to check the traffic reports. It's important that we are not late picking them up.
So yes stay at home moms work hard too!
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
Why I was a working mom
In 2009, I graduated from nursing school. It was a life long dream of mine to be a nurse. DS3 was 9 months old. I entered the working world. I wanted to give him the world. The dreams that our family had required multiple incomes.
I worked long hours caring for someone else's family, while missing mine. We had a wonderful nanny who would send me videos and pictures throughout the day so I wouldn't miss as much.
I heard so many negative comments about how I abandoned my family to further my career. That my place was in the home. How would my marriage make it with me working?
Well the truth is that yes, you do miss out on some things with your kids while you are at work. But you are also a person, not just a mom. You are allowed to have dreams and goals and want to pursue a career.
My job wasn't to be bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen. As for my marriage, at the time my ex and I liked our own space so it was a welcomed break for either of us to go to work.
So stop judging working moms. They have a job, family and home to worry about.
I worked long hours caring for someone else's family, while missing mine. We had a wonderful nanny who would send me videos and pictures throughout the day so I wouldn't miss as much.
I heard so many negative comments about how I abandoned my family to further my career. That my place was in the home. How would my marriage make it with me working?
Well the truth is that yes, you do miss out on some things with your kids while you are at work. But you are also a person, not just a mom. You are allowed to have dreams and goals and want to pursue a career.
My job wasn't to be bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen. As for my marriage, at the time my ex and I liked our own space so it was a welcomed break for either of us to go to work.
So stop judging working moms. They have a job, family and home to worry about.
Monday, June 26, 2017
What Autism Moms Wish You Understood
DS4 is autistic with multiple sensory issues. We often have issues when we are out in public, despite him being high functioning. People always have comments whether they are meant to be helpful or to be judgmental at times they all feel condescending. Here are some things we wish you knew:
1. It won't just "go away." It is going to be a lifetime of issues for him. He can learn to adapt to them and overcome the sensory overload that he experiences on a daily bases, but it won't go away.
2. Nope, he's not a brat. He actually is probably the sweetest child that you will ever meet. He gets told "no" and gets disciplined just like the rest of the kids and guess what!? You can't spank the autism out of a child. So your comment about "somebody needs a spanking" is absolutely the closest thing to fighting words you could say to a mom who is already struggling to comfort a child from something that she may not actually know what that something is.
3. "Just leave him at home" Yes, because one this is totally how to teach him to socialize and overcome his issues and two yay thanks does that mean you are going to run all of my errands. Just because a child is special needs doesn't mean that they don't need the social exposure. In fact, they probably need it more than typically developing children. Just because a parent has a special needs child doesn't mean that they can stop running errands or going to the grocery store.
4. Staring just makes the issue worse. Look away.
5. Smiling and saying how sweet the child is despite the massive fit they are throwing is so kind and often is a good distraction for him.
6. Just stop. If you have nothing kind or helpful to say. Don't say it. In fact that is a quick way to get a box of mac and cheese thrown at you. I admit to nothing. Just don't be a jerk.
1. It won't just "go away." It is going to be a lifetime of issues for him. He can learn to adapt to them and overcome the sensory overload that he experiences on a daily bases, but it won't go away.
2. Nope, he's not a brat. He actually is probably the sweetest child that you will ever meet. He gets told "no" and gets disciplined just like the rest of the kids and guess what!? You can't spank the autism out of a child. So your comment about "somebody needs a spanking" is absolutely the closest thing to fighting words you could say to a mom who is already struggling to comfort a child from something that she may not actually know what that something is.
3. "Just leave him at home" Yes, because one this is totally how to teach him to socialize and overcome his issues and two yay thanks does that mean you are going to run all of my errands. Just because a child is special needs doesn't mean that they don't need the social exposure. In fact, they probably need it more than typically developing children. Just because a parent has a special needs child doesn't mean that they can stop running errands or going to the grocery store.
4. Staring just makes the issue worse. Look away.
5. Smiling and saying how sweet the child is despite the massive fit they are throwing is so kind and often is a good distraction for him.
6. Just stop. If you have nothing kind or helpful to say. Don't say it. In fact that is a quick way to get a box of mac and cheese thrown at you. I admit to nothing. Just don't be a jerk.
Friday, June 23, 2017
Modern mom vs classic tv moms
I have always been slightly obsessed with the old school TV moms: June Cleaver, Laura Petrie, and Carol Brady just to name a few. They get up in the mornings early and get their hair and make up on. And those dresses! They are so cheerful. They cook and clean. They send the kids out ride their bikes after their homework is done. Their kids coming running when they call for them. You never see them lose their mind and just start screaming at the kid for not listening . They make us normal moms look bad.
Most days I roll out of bed with my hair a mess. It's a good day if I get a shower before the kids get up. Breakfast... Thank god for pop tarts. My day consists of begging children to remember to flush the toilet and threatening to kill the Xbox with the lawn mower to get them to do homework. There is no sending them out to ride bikes. There are too many scary people, mean people. I'm great at being the playful, silly mom. I love to play with the kids. Being cheerful and well put together, not so much.
So what has changed? These women lived in a time where most families could thrive on a single family income. They stayed home because their husband made a good wage. Now most families have to have two incomes just to make ends meet. Cost of living is sky high and wages are not. Many women have chosen to have a career and that's awesome! But why are we still held to the same standard as these women? We can't send our kids out to play by themselves. There are too many mean people waiting for an opportunity to be mean.
As for their clothes, I love the vintage dresses and would rock them happily. Unfortunately, most of the modern clothes require me to show off my boobage and nonexistent butt. No thanks. Maybe I will learn to sew these dresses and then have some pretty classic dresses to wear, but don't expect me to wear my pearls while scrubbing the toilet.
I would like to start changing my habits and be up early enough to make him breakfast before he goes to work. I would make him coffee, but he doesn't drink coffee. Not sure that I fully trust anyone that can function without coffee.
This could be a fun project to do!
Are you more of a modern mom or a classic tv mom?
So what has changed? These women lived in a time where most families could thrive on a single family income. They stayed home because their husband made a good wage. Now most families have to have two incomes just to make ends meet. Cost of living is sky high and wages are not. Many women have chosen to have a career and that's awesome! But why are we still held to the same standard as these women? We can't send our kids out to play by themselves. There are too many mean people waiting for an opportunity to be mean.
As for their clothes, I love the vintage dresses and would rock them happily. Unfortunately, most of the modern clothes require me to show off my boobage and nonexistent butt. No thanks. Maybe I will learn to sew these dresses and then have some pretty classic dresses to wear, but don't expect me to wear my pearls while scrubbing the toilet.
I would like to start changing my habits and be up early enough to make him breakfast before he goes to work. I would make him coffee, but he doesn't drink coffee. Not sure that I fully trust anyone that can function without coffee.
This could be a fun project to do!
Are you more of a modern mom or a classic tv mom?
Thursday, June 22, 2017
Affording Such A Large Family: Clothing Edition
Our kids must all be wearing clothes with holes in them and ratty shoes. There seems to be an idea that clothing children is expensive. And, yes, I guess it could be. That depends on you. We chose to shop yard sales, thrift store, clearance aisle and totally accept hand-me-downs.
Yard sales are great to find mostly springs and summer clothes. At least around here, you don't find a lot of pants and long sleeves a lot. But you can find crazy amounts of shorts and t-shirts and the occasional new with tags shoes. I buy our clothes here as well. Two of our kids are in "teenage sizes." I do have trouble finding trendy young men clothes at yard sales but that's where thrift store come in.
Thrift stores are awesome for finding non clothing items as well, but that's not what we are talking about. I find handbags, shoes with tags, teenage boy clothes, junior miss clothes for me (too young to wear misses and too old to wear juniors... the struggle is real!), I have even found make up that is still seal and in date.
Clearance items are amazing. I don't have a lot to say about this but use coupons and store rewards to make it last.
Hand-me-downs. I am very lucky to have some amazing friends who pass their kids out grown clothes on to us. We do the same in return. We hold the outgrown clothes out until the next kid can wear them and when DS4/5 out grow them. We see if we have any friends who need them. After our friends pick through them the rest we put in a yard sale and what doesn't sale goes to Goodwill.
Gifts. We ask family and friends for Christmas and birthdays to please not get the younger guys clothes because they honestly have so many. For the bigger guys we ask for gift cards so they can buy their own clothes (they are at that age).
On average we spend about $200 clothing and shoes.
Here are a few of my tips:
- Find a good stain remover!
- If stains don't come out or the idem cant be fixed, throw out, repurpose or compost if you can.
- Fix small things like missing buttons.
- Vacuum bags are amazing.
- Repurpose clothes into cloth grocery bags, cleaning rags or even family cloths.
- Look for events at local thrift stores... a couple times a year our thrift stores will do free or donation "fill-a-bag" events. We each get a bag to fill so we often end up with more than we can use so we donate it.
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